Congratulations to Pollen for becoming the first inductee into the Cullen Hall of Fame's Douchebag Wing! This has been one of the worst years on record for pollen. I could only imagine how bad it would be if I had terrible allergies. Pollen is like having your Aunt Lorraine come to visit you for three weeks. Sure she will take you out to lunch a few times but generally she just gets in the way, leaves her hard candy wrappers on the coffee table and keeps you from breathing easily because she baptizes herself in the finest of Joan Collins' Target perfumes every morning.And pollen is the same way. Five minutes after washing your car it's covered again in a yellowish-green dust. Allergy sufferers would feel better if someone sprayed them with anthrax than they do when these clouds of pollen take form.
But I don't want this to be a one-sided bashing off pollen. So arguing on pollen's side is noted hippie Ron Wagner... "If it wasn't for pollen, you wouldn't have those cut flowers in your kitchen you love so much. Or french fries."
Well stated. So do you, the reader, feel that some floral arrangements are worth a bunch of trees jizzing Peter North levels of pollen all over your cars?
PS. If you would like to learn more about hippies, visit your local library. Or visit Ron Wagner's blog entitled "Grow Dammit" at http://rondwagner.blogspot.com/
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