In Defense of Lebron

By now, everyone who cares about sports knows that Lebron James has kicked Cleveland to the curb and is "taking his talents to South Beach". And everyone has an opinion. And most of them are anti-Lebron but I do not hold that same sentiment for one reason... battered wives should leave their husbands.

You see, this is no normal basketball story. This is a story of a marriage gone wrong. Lebron was just a hometown girl who could have gone anywhere and been sucessful. But the Cavaliers were the high school sweetheart that did anything and everything to woo the girl. They were both smitten and entered into marriage. And the sex life was amazing. This couple spawned a TON of offspring... the Cavs fans.

In the beginning Lebron and the Cavs seemed so good together and the future seemed right. Lebron worked her ass off to keep her husband happy. They went far together and accumulated much wealth. But at some point, the Cavs started taking his wife for granted. She worked so hard for him... all she asked was for some attention and maybe some accessories to keep her looking good.

But the husband basically ignored her. Oh, he loved the money and what Lebron could do for him but they were married. Seriously, if he didn't buy her a Gucci handbag then where was she going to go? They're locked in together. For life. Or so the Cavs mistakenly thought.

Eventually the Cavs noticed their loving wife's attitude starting to change. She may have even been developing a wandering eye. Sure the Cavs noticed but they still thought she wasn't going anywhere... she loves her kids too much. Anyway, wifey was developing a bad back from carrying her husband around. She deserved a damn handbag and how about some freakin' shoes while you're at it?

But Lebron was a patient and giving wife. She bought a trip for her and her husband (the NBA Finals) thinking it would make things better. They were having a good time... but damn, the husband spent half the trip drunk out of his mind. She planned everything and he didn't even pitch in.

After reflecting, the husband realized he screwed up big time. It was time to get Lebron some accessories. However, even when kissing up he still made a half-assed attempt. He bought her a Coach bag that only looked good with certain outfits (Antawn Jamison) and some Tommy Hilfiger which went out of style in like 2005 (Shaq). The good wife tried to smile and rock these fashions but the years of neglect were weighing heavily on her mind.

So Lebron buys her husband yet another trip to try and make things work (2010 NBA Playoffs vs Boston) and this trip goes horribly wrong. After the first day they did nothing but fight. Then the husband actually slapped the wife in public. Things were never the same after that trip. Her mind was made up to leave... except for one nagging issue. The kids.

But Lebron knew that she needed to get away from the situation for her health physically and mentally. She left her husband. And now she's in South Beach with her best friends sipping margaritas like it's Sex and The City. The husband can't believe she left. He called her a bitch on her Facebook page and everything... even though he was the one who drove her away. Deep down he knows this but he'll never admit to it.

And the kids? Just like in many divorces they are confused, depressed or angry. Right now they blame mom for leaving although they kind of knew it was coming. They can not blame themselves because it wasn't their fault. But they will still beat themselves up about it. In time, they will realize it was for the best and that they are stronger for it.

Lebron will enjoy her life change. She will feel like Queen James once again. Even though she will always have some scars from the divorce. And the Cavs will run through a string of floosies trying to match what they had with the ex-wife. Yet none of them ho's will ever match up. Not even close.

Sports Hall of Fame: Ken Griffey Jr.

Ken Griffey Jr hung up his cleats today. It's a sad day for anyone who collected baseball cards in the 1980's and 1990's as his Upper Deck rookie was legendary. I knew a guy with like twenty of the cards in a binder and it was like I was looking at a gold brick when I saw them.

Here is a small list of things I will remember him for...

1) Trademark backwards cap that garnered him the nickname "The Kid".
2) His ridiculous catches in center field where he robbed hitters of home runs.
3) He played on the same team as his dad and they hit back to back HR's. Pretty awesome.
4) I never heard anyone say they didn't like Ken Griffey Jr.
5) "The Simpsons" episode where he drank nerve tonic and developed a grotesquely swollen jaw.
6) One of the few star players of his era not suspected of steroids.
7) Dude hit 630 home runs. Fifth all-time. If not for injuries he would have easily passed Willie Mays for 4th.

Thanks for the memories Ken, you deserve a spot in my Hall of Fame.

AFC West Status

Denver: There is a thin line between genius and madness. Coach Josh McDaniels is straddling that line. When Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall had a difference of opinions with the coach, they were both sent packing. I understand asserting yourself as the boss but how about some crisis resolution skills? In the 2010 draft, Josh McDaniels has sealed his fate. He has hitched his wagon to QB Tim Tebow. In the marketing sense it was a great move. Tebow's jersey has been the #1 seller in the NFL for two months straight. There is no questioning his popularity but there are many questions regarding his skills. If Tebow pans out, then McDaniels will be remembered as a visionary in the cloth of Bill Belichick.
-Fantasy Implications: WR Demaryius Thomas will have every opportunity to contribute. He is worth drafting in every league.
-NFL Implications: Forget the NFL... the Tebow pick will shape the future of the Broncos franchise. It's that important.

Kansas City: This is a team that needs playmakers. DB Eric Berry was being compared to Ed Reed in the draft process. If he is even close to that good, then the Chiefs got a bargain with the 5th pick at a position of need. The Dexter McCluster pick is a headscratcher. I like the player but I'm not sure a team like KC has the luxury of taking a situational player like McCluster in the 2nd round. If a team like Dallas or Miami had taken him, then he would have been a perfect fit. Just fourteen picks later they took another situational player in DB Javier Arenas whose main contribution will be as a kick returner. OG Jon Asamoah is a good pick for an offensive line that could use the help.
-Fantasy: With the addition of Arenas at KR and Berry at DB, the Chiefs defense might be draftable. It's been a while since we could say that.
-NFL: The Chiefs seem to have a plan. They had a lot of building to do but they have improved. In a weak division like the AFC West they could steal a few games. This is a make or break season for QB Matt Cassel.

Oakland: Al Davis must have gotten a hot tub time machine because he had his best draft since the 80's... The 1880's! (Just kidding) With LB Rolando McClain they got a guy who will be a leader on the defense that can defend both the run and the pass. Then they got DT Lamarr Houston who shot up draft boards in the offseason. He is a good fit for Oakland's scheme. They picked up some O-Linemen with freakish size/speed ratios in Jared Veldheer and Bruce Campbell. And of course they picked their prerequisite speedy WR in Jacoby Ford. The good news is that they didn't reach for any of them.
-Fantasy: This could be the year that RB Michael Bush breaks out. You should be able to get him in the mid to late rounds and his high ceiling is worth the gamble.
-NFL: I would be remiss to not mention that the Raiders cut a lot of dead weight in QB JaMarcus Russell. Most insiders say that QB Jason Campbell is very underrated. Even if he isn't, he will represent a huge upgrade at QB. I like Oakland to possibly get over the hump and come close to a winning record this year.

San Diego: The Chargers have been the class of the AFC West for a few seasons now. They still have the most talent... but how will they rebound from yet another disappointing playoff loss? The selection of RB Ryan Mathews was a necessity. I don't know how good he will be but San Diego needed a guy who could be an every down back. DT Cam Thomas is a 4th round pick who will need to step up in defending the run. LB Donald Butler could also contribute at a position with little depth on the squad.
-Fantasy: RB Ryan Mathews will see the rock often. An every down RB in the NFL is worth a 3rd round pick in a fantasy draft. If Mathews looks any good in preseason, then you might want to snag him late in the 2nd.
-NFL: Once again, San Diego should win this division... partly due to their talent and partly due to lack of competition.

Overall: It would be a surprising if the West had more than one team in the playoffs this season. It would be downright shocking if that team wasn't San Diego. The rest of the division is frankly an unknown at this point. How much can KC improve? Probably not enough. What will Denver look like? No one knows. I like Oakland as a surprise team this year. The upgrade at QB alone should be worth a couple extra wins. If they pull off some upsets, then things could get interesting.

TV Hall of Fame: 24

I had been waiting to open the TV wing of Cullen's Hall of Fame ever since I heard the news that the eighth season of "24" would be its last. I wasn't initially on the bandwagon for this show. In fact, I didn't watch a single episode until about Season 4. I watched the premier episode and I was hooked. I bought all of the first three seasons on DVD and plowed through them like Jamarcus Russell plows thru a box of donuts.

The Jack Bauer character is truly one of the icons in TV and the action genre. Dude doesn't eat, sleep or even take a leak in an entire day. To him, CTU stands for Cease To Urinate. And he has killed in nearly every way imaginable. Sort of like a homicidal MacGyver. Kiefer Sutherland will always be Jack Bauer first and foremost just like Michael Richards will always be remembered as Kramer from Seinfeld.

"24" had one of the greatest television Presidents of all time in David Palmer who was played by current Allstate shill Dennis Haysbert. It may sound ridiculous but he was so awesome that he truly helped many Americans embrace Barack Obama. Remember, nine years ago it seemed like a black president would never get elected in the United States. I'd like to think David Palmer had a small hand in changing that.

Whereas Jack Bauer is probably the best government agent to have ever lived, "24" also had an employee who was historically atrocious. Of course I am referring to the HR Director of CTU. You could count on this idiot to hire at least one mole/double-agent/douchebag every season. Does CTU's HR department do any background checks?

It is with mixed emotions that we say goodbye to "24". It was a fun ride that unfortunately went out with a whimper. But we remember the good times here and that is why we welcome "24" as the initial inductee into my TV Hall of Fame.

NFC East Post-Draft

Dallas: The Cowboys were lucky to have WR Dez Bryant fall to them at #24. That is shades of what happened with Randy Moss. People have said that Bryant may have a difficult personality... but don't most #1 WR's? Being passed over in the draft will give him a chip on his shoulder for years and he will make other teams pay. Dallas was very high on LB Sean Lee who they gave a mid-1st round grade. Most other teams had him as a 2nd rounder which is where he was selected. Lee should be the guy who takes over for Keith Brooking who is getting long in the tooth. DB Akwasi Owusu-Ansah is a small school talent who has a chance to make an impact in the secondary.
Fantasy Implications... Grab WR Dez Bryant in all formats. I doubt he busts.
NFL Implications... Still big questions at Left Tackle and Head Coach but a definite NFC contender.

New York Giants: The Giants went almost strictly defense in their draft. DE Jean Pierre-Paul is the biggest boom or bust pick of the first round. I would have taken LB Sean Weatherspoon instead. We'll see who is right. Linval Joseph should step into the defensive tackle rotation right away. I was impressed by DB Chad Jones at LSU and he should be able to start at some point in the pros.
Fantasy... The Giants defense might provide good value in fantasy drafts.
NFL... New York went all out to improve their defense in the offseason. Unfortunately I'm not sure they did enough to keep pace with the rest of the NFC East.

Philadelphia: The biggest move was obviously shipping Donovan McNabb to Washington. They liked what they saw of Kevin Kolb in limited work last season so this allows them to make the change at QB. Brandon Graham is an active player who should become popular in Philly. I thought he was a good pick in the 1st round. DB Nate Allen will likely start at a rookie at free safety. I wasn't a fan of their mid-round picks but Ricky Sapp could be a steal if he ever gets healthy. WR Riley Cooper should force Kevin Curtis out of a job. RB Charles Scott may finally be the short yardage back the Eagles have needed for years. LB Jamar Cheney, DT Jeff Owens and DB Kurt Coleman all represented great value. Due to sheer number of picks, Philly should be able to count on a lot of contributions from this rookie class.
Fantasy... Kevin Kolb should be on your fantasy radar. He might be the new Aaron Rodgers.
NFL... There have been a lot of changes in Philly. My main concern is who steps up as a leader. The Eagles released RB Westbook and traded QB McNabb who were two of top guys in the locker room.

Washington: The Redskins had an active offseason picking up head coach Mike Shanahan who brought in a stable of top RB's... or at least they were in 2007. Oh yeah, and some guy named Donovan is the new QB. None of those moves mean anything without a huge upgrade at OL though. So Washington grabbed OT Trent Williams as the #4 overall pick. He was inconsistent in college but had a great scouting combine. Hopefully they don't kick themselves for not taking Russell Okung because they didn't pick again until the 4th round.
Fantasy... WR Devin Thomas has breakout potential with a new QB and he will be in his 3rd season which historically is the season where most WR's start to "get it".
NFL... Washington was very busy making upgrades but there was more style than substance.

Overall: Dallas is the pick to win the division because they built momentum last season and haven't lost any in the offseason. Also, the NFL would LOVE for them to play at home in the Super Bowl so look for them to be the beneficiaries of some bad calls by the refs this year. Philly got a lot younger but their offensive line is still a question mark. They are also in the upper echelon of the NFC. Washington had a lot of holes last year and I don't think they did enough to fix their O-Line. The enigma will be the Giants. I could see them finishing last or rallying together to have a bounce back season. A lot will depend on which Eli shows up this season.

Top 5

My Top 5 Lawrence Taylor Jokes...

5) Ehh, it's still not as bad as his appearance on Dancing With The Stars.

4) Hey, when are the Bengals going to sign him???

3) Taylor is thinking about making a comeback with the Carolina Panthers... he heard about their youth movement.

2) Taylor is a former linebacker... and after his stint in prison he will be a former tight end.

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hiwe3lpGRDw (This video writes itself)

NFC North Post-Draft

Chicago: The Bears had a limited number of picks due to obtaining QB Jay Cutler and DE Gaines Adams via trades last year. Unfortunately, Adams passed away from a health defect. While it is sad, the cold truth about the NFL is that things keep moving and it leaves Chicago with a big hole on the D-Line. The few picks they had were used wisely. DB Major Wright is a big hitter who will learn from newly re-acquired Chris Harris. DE Corey Wootten slid because of a knee injury but he was considered a possible first rounder at one time. They also picked QB Dan LeFevour who has all of the physical tools to be a starting QB in the NFL but he faces a huge learning curve since he played in an unconventional college offense.
Fantasy Implications... None on offense. Perhaps a rookie breaks out and makes the Bears defense more attractive.
NFL Implications... A lot will hinge on new offensive coordinator Mike Martz who engineered one of the most powerful offenses in league history with the St. Louis Rams. Can he bring the best out of Jay Cutler?

Detroit: Don't look now but the Lions are rounding into a talented team. They took DT Ndamukong Suh with their first round pick. Suh is widely considered the "can't miss" prospect of this draft. Also, if you watch any Lions game this season, you will hear an announcer tell you Suh's name translates to "House of Spears". (Not Britney I hope). In Rd 2 they selected RB Jahvid Best who may have been the top RB if not for a serious concussion. The Lions have a huge opening at RB so Best could come in and start immediately. Detroit also made some solid picks on CB Amari Spievey and DE Willie Young who will both have a chance to contribute. One pick that could look awesome in a couple years was OT Jason Fox out of Miami. Fox had a serious knee injury but was one of the top tackles in college. If he can ever come back healthy, then Detroit stole a possible franchise left tackle.
Fantasy Implications... RB Jahvid Best will be money in leagues that reward distance scoring.
NFL Implications... Detroit is building a nice foundation. The defense is still too weak in the back seven but this is not a team to be taken lightly anymore. And they may be the team that pro gamblers pick every week vs. the spread.

Green Bay: Not a flashy draft but OT Bryan Bulaga will fit right into the blue collar town. DL Mike Neal is considered a reach but he is a good fit for the Packers defense. DB Morgan Burnett was always around the ball in college and will have a good chance to start. Basically this is a draft where there will likely be few superstars but many contributors... which may be all they need to make it to the next level.
Fantasy... Upgrades at OL bode well for QB Aaron Rodgers who might just be the #3 QB in FF.
NFL... The Pack were extremely close last season but lost a shootout to Arizona in the playoffs. They addressed their biggest needs. Time will tell if they addressed them with the right people.

Minnesota: Let's face it... this team isn't going anywhere without Brett Favre so they had better hope he stays unretired. Many are surprised more by who the Vikes DIDN'T pick rather than who they did. If QB Jimmy Clausen ends up making a splash in the NFL, then that will be a non-pick that Vikings fans will curse for years. Minnesota instead took CB Chris Cook who certainly filled a need... but this was a deep draft for CB's. He will have more pressure on him than most 2nd round picks. Toby Gerhart was drafted to backup Adrian Peterson at RB. Gerhart was a Heisman Finalist in 2009. DE Everson Griffen fell in the draft for some unknown reason. Was he just overrated or did they get a steal?
Fantasy... Gerhart is worth a late round pick as a handcuff to Peterson owners.
NFL... As I said earlier, everything hinges on Brett Favre's return. He's the difference between them making the playoffs or them watching at home.

Overall: Tough call due to the uncertainty about Favre. I think Green Bay did a better job of upgrading in the offseason. Maybe Aaron Rodgers will finally get a chance to beat his former "mentor". The Packers could be a sneaky good pick for the Super Bowl. Chicago made the biggest changes and also the highest profile player in DE Julius Peppers. The Bears have a chance to surprise everyone if the offense gels under Martz. And Detroit is no longer a pushover. Once again we can call the NFC North the Black & Blue division without it just being a callback to the 1970's.

Draft Happenings Part 2

NFC South

Atlanta: LB Sean Weatherspoon is the type of player who will become a leader on defense and he fills a huge need to boot. 2nd Rd pick DT Corey Peters will give some needed beef on the inside in case last year's #1 pick DT Peria Jerry doesn't return 100% from injuries. All of their other picks appear to be reaches to fill need spots. However, this team still looks like it will lack the pass rush needed to win the division. Sure they upgraded their secondary with Dunta Robinson but it's a moot point without a pass rush. An extra second or two is all Drew Brees needs to pick you apart. Make no mistake, New Orleans is still the team to beat in the South.
Fantasy Implication... A slight bump for the Atlanta Defense
NFL... Probably not explosive enough to be more than an outside wild card candidate.

Carolina: This was an important draft for the Panthers as they have improved in the present while keeping an eye on the future. Matt Moore will be pushed by rookie QB's Jimmy Clausen and Tony Pike. Both QB's fell to a point in the draft where the value was too high for Carolina to pass on them. Clausen was ranked by some as a Top 5 prospect in the draft.

Another sore spot this team has been unsuccessfully trying to fill for years has been a WR to take pressure off Steve Smith. They got great value on both Brandon LaFell and David Gettis... however WR/QB Armanti Edwards could be one of the most controversial picks in the draft. How will they utilize him? We know there will be a lot of pressure to justify trading a 2nd round pick in 2011 to acquire him. One thing that national pundits have underestimated is Edwards' popularity with local fans. Name me one 3rd Rd pick who will sell as many jerseys as Edwards. You can't. He's a cult hero in the area. On Charlotte sports radio, everyone was talking about Armanti Edwards, not Jimmy Clausen.

Lost in all of this are two steals on defense in DE Eric Norwood and DE Greg Hardy who were very productive in college. With all of this, Carolina had one of the most exciting drafts this season. It's a draft that took them from a 7-9 team to a legit wild card candidate.
Fantasy... WR Steve Smith comes back to fantasy relevance now that he has assistance
NFL... Solid wild card candidate with a favorable schedule & a good chance they have their franchise QB on the roster although we're not sure who that is yet.

New Orleans: There are so many reasons to think New Orleans will have a down year. It's tough to repeat in the NFL because you take everyone's best shot. Drew Brees could be struck by the Madden Curse. Plus teams just don't repeat in the NFC South. The Saints haven't lost much on offense and they add a possible stud on the O-Line in Charles Brown plus an intriguing TE in former Univ. of Miami basketball player Jimmy Graham. They have definitely gotten weaker on defense as they lost depth at LB. Will they re-sign Darren Sharper who was up for Defensive Player of the Year? If not, then that opens another big hole.
Fantasy... TE Jeremy Shockey is no longer draftable.
NFL... Still too proficient on offense although the gap is closing.

Tampa Bay: The Bucs got a lot better in the draft. Unfortunately, they still have far to go. They improved their run defense with Gerald McCoy and Brian Price. And they upgraded their passing game by drafting WR's Arrelious Benn and Mike Williams. They will still get shredded by opposing QB's and their offensive line is lacking but this team will leave opponents knowing they have just been in a fight. It's just too bad the Bucs won't win many of the fights.
Fantasy... The additions at WR should make QB Josh Freeman draftable as a backup.
NFL... Better, but their ceiling is 6 wins.

Overall: New Orleans will overcome the distractions and repeat while Carolina and Atlanta scrap for what should be a ridiculously competitive wild card race in the NFC.

NFL Draft Happenings

NFC West:

This division is one of the weakest in the league. Each team had a solid draft and it really helped the West's Q Factor.

San Francisco is considered the favorite to win the division. They really beefed up their offensive line with the first two picks. Anthony Davis has character concerns but he could absolutely become a dominating right tackle. Mike Iupati will also be a starter from day one at right guard. Taylor Mays and Navorro Bowman are potential starters on defense. Anthony Dixon might be able to wrestle the #2 RB job from Glen Coffee. That's a haul of 4 potential starters which is a good draft.
Fantasy Implications... Frank Gore is now a definite Top 5 pick.
NFL Implications... If they get production at QB, the 49ers look like a playoff team.

Arizona has been on top in the West recently but they took some major loss when Kurt Warner retired. Then they traded WR Anquan Boldin and lost LB Karlos Dansby in free agency. The Cardinals stole DT Dan Williams at #26 and he should be a force. LB Daryl Washington has potential to start. Potential seems to be a key word for this draft. WR Andre Roberts MIGHT be a good slot receiver, DE O'Brien Schofield MIGHT end up being one of the top pass rushers from this class IF he recovers from injury and QB John Skelton MIGHT be a future starter if he can get some development and make the huge jump in competition.
Fantasy Implications... WR Steve Breaston will see increased looks as the new #2 WR
NFL Implications... They have big questions at QB and LT. They will drop back this year.

Seattle has been snakebit recently with injuries. Now they have the hot college coach coming in to try to turn things around... something which hasn't worked too well for other teams in the past few years. I have my doubts about Pete Carroll in the NFL but he certainly had a nice draft. Russell Okung fills a huge need at LT and he could have been a Top 2 pick overall and no one would have blinked. Then they get a guy who was considered one of the best DB's available in Earl Thomas. I could see Golden Tate becoming a starter at WR. DB Walter Thurmond and TE Anthony McCoy could also be key contributors. But that's not all! Seattle also added a lot of talent at RB by trading for both Lorenzen White and Leon Washington. Suddenly Seattle looks like a contender in the division again. If they get solid QB play.
Fantasy... TE John Carlson could be a Top 10 TE in Pete Carroll's scheme
NFL... Seahawks may be a year away but they appear to be on the rise.

St. Louis has been horrendous the past couple of years but they should at least be fun to watch. Some think QB Sam Bradford is a can't miss prospect. We shall see. The Rams were smart to get him some extra protection in OT Roger Saffold. The Rams need help pretty much everywhere but RB and that is why they drafted a lot of variety. They still do not have a #1 WR despite the drafting of Mardy Gilyard. And their defense still needs a lot of work. Unfortunately it looks like the Rams may have a Top 10 pick again next season even though they had a solid draft.
Fantasy... Sam Bradford becomes a viable fantasy option but probably only in keeper leagues.
NFL... Probably spending another year in the NFC West cellar.

Overall, each of these teams have big questions at QB. I pick the 49ers to win the division but I don't see any wild cards coming out of the West.

Ode To Jason Taylor

Dear Jason Taylor,

Thank you for your interest in the Douchebag Wing of Cullen's Hall of Fame. Signing a contract with the New York Jets has really gotten you noticed by the committee. Normally a Miami Dolphin alumnus would be exempt from consideration in this prestigious group. Only the likes of Dave Wannestedt has ever been mentioned as a possibility.

You must know that it's too early to induct you into the D-Bag Wing just yet. We need to see how you handle yourself in the 2010 season. Just know that you are definitely on the radar.

Signed,
The CHOF Board of Directors

PS. We have included a picture of you throwing a hot chick off of you before she could mount you. I would imagine this was the only thing the Jets needed to see to know that you'll fit right in.

Sports Hall of Fame: Bill Laimbeer

Bill Laimbeer is my favorite basketball player ever. That's really all it takes to make it into the Cullen Hall of Fame. He could have no other credentials and still be inducted just because I like him. However, I truly believe that Laimbeer is one of the most underrated basketball players of the 80's.

Everyone remembers this poor soul as a thug... Oh wait, I forgot that the media only calls black players thugs. Hockey has told me that goon is the caucasian version of a thug. Either way, Laimbeer was not well liked. He took cheap shots at opposing players, whined to the refs, and generally acted like a dick.

That persona is one of the things that made him so successful. Laimbeer was one of the few players who could take opposing players out of the game mentally. He even got the normally peaceful Robert Parish to snap. Parish, by the way, dabbled in weed... do you know how hard it is to piss off a pothead???

Thus Laimbeer doesn't get a lot of credit for actually having some skills. Here are some of the other things made him so valuable on the court...

1) Four time All-Star
2) Extremely durable - he has the 5th longest NBA consecutive games streak (which was ended by a suspension)
3) Solid Free Throw shooter - 83% career is excellent for a center
4) Excellent Rebounder - twice led the league in rebounds per game
5) Range - Laimbeer added a 3 point shot later in his career and hit nearly 1/3 of his shots from downtown
6) Stuff not measured by statistics - for instance, Laimbeer set devastating picks and was an accurate passer

Unfortunately, he wasn't the most athletic guy in the world. He was strong but had no vertical leap and very average foot speed. Laimbeer also deserves induction for some notable off-the-court achievements as well.

1) One of the best Sports Illustrated covers ever (pictured above)
2) Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball for Nintendo. Check out the effing sweet storyline for it...

The game predicts a science-fiction version of the year 2030 in which there are only robot basketball players (excluding Bill Laimbeer). Basketball teams play in gruelling league matches where new players are bought and sold. Within this future, basketball uses a dedicated robot to perform the toss up at the start of each match as referees had been fired by Bill Laimbeer sometime prior to the year 2030. As a result, players now wear armor to their games and weapons are thrown from the audience

3) The Beastie Boys wrote a song about him! (it wasn't very kind)
4) One of the most successful coaches in the WNBA's illustrious history.

So congratulations to Bill Laimbeer. This is my tribute to you. Bill Simmons can suck it for not including you in his Hall of Fame.

Douchebag Hall of Fame: Pollen

Congratulations to Pollen for becoming the first inductee into the Cullen Hall of Fame's Douchebag Wing! This has been one of the worst years on record for pollen. I could only imagine how bad it would be if I had terrible allergies. Pollen is like having your Aunt Lorraine come to visit you for three weeks. Sure she will take you out to lunch a few times but generally she just gets in the way, leaves her hard candy wrappers on the coffee table and keeps you from breathing easily because she baptizes herself in the finest of Joan Collins' Target perfumes every morning.

And pollen is the same way. Five minutes after washing your car it's covered again in a yellowish-green dust. Allergy sufferers would feel better if someone sprayed them with anthrax than they do when these clouds of pollen take form.

But I don't want this to be a one-sided bashing off pollen. So arguing on pollen's side is noted hippie Ron Wagner... "If it wasn't for pollen, you wouldn't have those cut flowers in your kitchen you love so much. Or french fries."

Well stated. So do you, the reader, feel that some floral arrangements are worth a bunch of trees jizzing Peter North levels of pollen all over your cars?

PS. If you would like to learn more about hippies, visit your local library. Or visit Ron Wagner's blog entitled "Grow Dammit" at http://rondwagner.blogspot.com/

CHOF???

So what does CHOF mean? It stands for Cullen's Hall of Fame. Basically this is where I pay tribute to things by inducting them for enshrinement into a very elite place. We're talking big time stuff here.

There will be many wings to this Hall of Fame... TV, movies, athletes etc... so hopefully there is a little something for everyone. Just because something is great doesn't mean you'll see it here. This is extremely biased and based solely on my expert opinion. You're more likely to see Pascual Perez's jheri curl than the great Babe Ruth. You're more likely to see Diggstown than Citizen Kane.